Poor, inferior, unsatisfactory, inadequate, unacceptable, not up to snuff, deficient, imperfect. All these words add up to one thing; not good enough. And it's how I feel on a daily basis. I work and work but I still can't even make it up to average. My G.P.A isn't high. I try and try but I still only manage to scrape by on high B's or low A's, save for Biology in which I have an F and math in which I have an A. I'm athletic and I try hard. But I didn't suck up so I wasn't a part of the varsity or districts team. My hair is never un-frizzy and is always sticking out in one direction or the other. Sometimes I forget to put lotion on my arms or even shave one my legs. So far I have not come across anything in life in which I can be better than just enough to get by. I suck at relationships too. I'm not even good enough to hold onto a boyfriend for more than one or two months. There is the problem with my reputation, but I've been trying to fix that. I don't want the one thing I'm good at being that I'm the village bicycle, where everyone has had a ride. I got fired from my job because I wasn't "authentic "enough to work there. I cleared dishes at a Mexican restaurant. That might be racist but I'm not exactly sure. I can't draw to save my life and only stick to random doodles on the side of paper during Biology. I'm an adequate writer. I have no luscious or rich vocabulary that fills the far corners of my brain. Nothing I do seems to be good enough for anyone. Just once in my life I want to be able to do something that is above the par of society. Just once I want tp be good enough. BTW: that's my secret up there :D
4.15.2009
Never Enough...
Poor, inferior, unsatisfactory, inadequate, unacceptable, not up to snuff, deficient, imperfect. All these words add up to one thing; not good enough. And it's how I feel on a daily basis. I work and work but I still can't even make it up to average. My G.P.A isn't high. I try and try but I still only manage to scrape by on high B's or low A's, save for Biology in which I have an F and math in which I have an A. I'm athletic and I try hard. But I didn't suck up so I wasn't a part of the varsity or districts team. My hair is never un-frizzy and is always sticking out in one direction or the other. Sometimes I forget to put lotion on my arms or even shave one my legs. So far I have not come across anything in life in which I can be better than just enough to get by. I suck at relationships too. I'm not even good enough to hold onto a boyfriend for more than one or two months. There is the problem with my reputation, but I've been trying to fix that. I don't want the one thing I'm good at being that I'm the village bicycle, where everyone has had a ride. I got fired from my job because I wasn't "authentic "enough to work there. I cleared dishes at a Mexican restaurant. That might be racist but I'm not exactly sure. I can't draw to save my life and only stick to random doodles on the side of paper during Biology. I'm an adequate writer. I have no luscious or rich vocabulary that fills the far corners of my brain. Nothing I do seems to be good enough for anyone. Just once in my life I want to be able to do something that is above the par of society. Just once I want tp be good enough. BTW: that's my secret up there :D
