Eventually One Half Will Become Your Whole.

Today was the day I finally realized something. For the past couple months one part of me wanted one person while the other wanted someone else entirely. Today I realized that one half of me had stopped wanting someone. Now I want one single someone with all of me. Wow that made no sense. But ah. I just don't know what to do with how I feel. I like him. This would be a given. In fact it's probably pretty obvious. But I don't know how he feels. Ah. I know. I could have way worse problems than this. And I do. I just happen to shove all of those to the back of mind. I like focusing on my small problems because then it seems like all my bigger ones, aren't there anymore. Just for once I want my love life to go exactly the way I want it to go. Basically, I suck at relationships. I'm either too attached or we act more like friends. I can't seem to be able to find a middle ground. Not to mention I've made mistakes in my past, and I'll probably make those same ones in my future, so that kind of gave me a reputation I'd rather not have. With that in mind, it makes it harder to figure out what someones real intentions with me are. I'm not trying to make anyone feel sorry for me. I made the decisions that got me into that position in the first place. Hmm. Where was I? Oh yeah, I want to tell you. Maybe if you read this you'll figure it out. I don't know. Read between the lines or something cool like that. Who knows if you'll even read it? Oh my god. My brain's on freaking overdrive right now. I'm actually getting a headache. Happy Easter everyone (:

La la la.

Haven't done one in awhile. Here it goessssss.

ace ace, in your face. haters better know their place. party hearty, rock&roll, drink bicardi, lose control. life is great, sex is fun.  WE'RE THE CLASS OF DOUBLE ONE!

i have to say the sophmore class is gay as shit. we like drama, swear too much(myself included), and just assholes in general. in some cliques the do-si-do with relationships and such. but other then that, i absolutely love our class. except that we've got third place in spirit competitions the past two years. which is retarded. anyways, i didn't know what to write about so i used the chant me and jen made up awhile ago to base it off of.

Good Morning Early Risers

For whatever reason, we seem to get addicted to PostSecret.com. I am one of those many people out there that right after checking Myspace, run and scroll through the various secrets. Hence, why I chose to use them to kind of set up my blog post for that day. This, however, is not what my entry is about today. It is 6:02 a.m on Saturday January 31st, 2009. I am wide awake. Haven't slept a wink all night. This a big thing. I always am able to sleep at least a couple hours unless something huge happened to me. Nothing out if the oridinary occurred yesterday. I got up. Got dressed. Watched a movie. Took a shower. Walked to the bus stop. Saw my ex. Changed buses. Arrived at my mom's house. I guess what I'm thinking here is that seeing him affected me more than I wanted it too. On Thursday we had been messaging. Nothing major, just a casual conversation. He happened to mention that he missed me. It was no big deal, since I try not to get attached and "miss" people when they're gone. But to tell you the truth, I was a little pissed. Because not only was he there. He was there with his arm around a girl. And it's not that the fact that he was with a girl that pissed me off. It was the fact that just the day before he had told me he missed me. And it would be a whole other thing if he hadn't had his arm around her. During bus rides I'm usually quite friendly and chatty with people if I'm by myself. But the entire ride from 185th ST to Northgate Way, I stared at the window. I couldn't even look back at him. I can't begin to explain why this was so difficult for me today. Do you know? It'd be nice if you could clue me in on it. All I've thought about is his arm gently wrapped around her waist. I like the bus. Today I learned how to hate it.