Gymnastics and Friends...

This would be the amazing J.V team (: Just thought I'd share them with you tonight. We did amazing in our meet. Got 3rd place beating the 4th place team by over 19 points. Yeah, we're just that good. Took 2nd place on beam btw... Haha. Although it took up almost 1/3 of my day, I still really enjoyed it. But it sucked because I could only do 1 event, instead of 3 like usual, because I missed practice on Tuesday. I had forgot my leotard -_- Which is really dumb but whatever. Oh and this other girl got bumped up to varsity. In my opinion she's good, but definetly not good enough to be varsity. And she's only good on 1 event, but whatever. It was the coaches decision, not mine. This upcoming Saturday is our last meet as a full team. Then it's districts and hopefully state. I've gotten a lot better on bars, but I ripped last Thursday and so it hurts. Like a lot because it's sort of big and really easy for dirt and chalk to get into it. And that hurts. Do you guys have a best friend? I do. Several of them actually and that lovely lady with me above to be like the best. Anyways, everyone should have a BFFL (best friend for life) they help a lot. It's nice to know that there's someone out there who knows you better then you know yourself, even when you seem to know yourself pretty damn well. When the world says "give up", they'll whisper "try one more time." Why am I so hung up on good friends? Because, and this is a cliche, I have no idea where I would be without them. Tarsi and Jenny seem to make me face reality everytime I go off track. Chrissy and Alan are always there to give me a great time when I feel like shit. Charlotte and Lisa keep me on the straight and narrow as my goody-goody, in a good way, friends. Lastly, all the ones that have walked out of my life; Michelle S was my best friend for 15 years and then just up and stops talking to me. She gave the best years. I was able to experience so much and meet new people with her. This brings me to Natalie, really good friends for around 3 years. I was introduced to drugs and drinking with her. But those were good as well as bad times. She also showed me that it was okay to speak your mind and have a fun time with life. Finally, KK. 4 years of friendship goes bye-bye over a boy. A boy. Yeah, retarded. I could tell her almost anything. With her I was able to just rant and bitch about whatever. But I lied about how I felt, and lost her trust. Thus, it was my fault. This is really of no importance to anyone else. But I place friends higher on the list then breathing when it comes to what matters in life.

Peer Pressure?

I've just lately seemed to notice how much peer pressure is all around us. Not just to drink, do drugs, be super skinny or have great muscles etc... But how much there is just to do simple everyday things. Such as go inside if you're cold.
"but i don't want to."
"you're cold, go in!"
"fineeee..."
Just simple shit like that can start it. Because if people think they have the least bit of control over you, then they will keep it and have it. We live in a power hungry nation. There's no denying that fact. We want money. We want power. We want it now. And it's not a bad thing, although it can be. We just like having the upper hand. No one wants to feel weak and powerless. So why do we allow ourselves to give into peer pressure?

Well tonight I don't have a whole hell of a lot to say. Tomorrow I should though since we have our meet and I'll be talking and stuff. This blog is basically bullshit where I can just write down whatever I'm feeling at the time.

Something Is Wrong

I eat. I like to eat. It's a common fact of life. I can out eat almost any guy that I know, that is with the exception of my dad. But lately I don't want to eat anything. I try to eat when I'm not hungry but it just doesn't seem to do any good. I'm not fat or anything. I weigh in at a mere 125 pounds. But that's mostly muscle. Aha. I'm not trying to sound conceited, it's just what my doctor told me. Plus I've been falling asleep at the most random times. Most nights I can't fall asleep until 2 in the morning, others I conk out 5:30 p.m. I just don't get it. I feel sick all day. I can never go through the day without wanting to puke or actually puking.

On a happier note we have a meet this weekend. I missed practice on Tuesday, which sucked butt hole. I compete three events out of four. I used to do vault, but I've been crap at it lately. And I was supposed to do floor last weekend. There was this whiney little frosh that didn't want to do beam so the only way the coaches could get her to compete was to put her on floor and bump me off. In my opinion it was a bad coaching decision they should have just not let her compete period. She annoys the shit out of almost everyone on the team. Anyways, I'm really excited for Saturday. I love to compete. Unlike practice it helps me see what I need to improve. The judges take off for every fucking thing, but it still lets me see where I'm bad.

There's Nothing

Sometimes I just like to listen to the same song over and over again. If it's a particulary good song then it never seems to get old. This really seems to be the case with "There's Nothing" by Sean Kingston ft. The Dey. I've been bumping it while I do my biology homework. And let me tell you, that isn't a light load of assignments. But that's saved for the blog below.

Anyways, I kind of like this guy. I met him during my mortifying Friday night. But somehow he still talks to me. I know, crazy right? Yeah. I talk to him a lot and he seems like a really cool guy. The only problem is I barely remember what he looks like... And I'm not trying to say that it's all about outter beauty, because it isn't. It would just be nice to know what he looked like. Call me crazy and all that.

Other than that there isn't that much to say on this day or night. Except: watch the show True Beauty on ABC. Funny as hell. Ahaha.

Random Talking.

You know how I just talked about what happened to me last Friday night? The really dumb and stupid thing I did? Somehow it's ended up over school, and I now have people asking me what happened. I can only blame myself since I told a couple people about it. But what the fuck was I thinking when I thought I could trust them? I just want to know....

Today I watched one of my all time favorite movies, Say Anything which stars John Cusack, who is probably one of my favorite actors. But I swear that movie always makes me feel so hurt no matter how much I adore it. I don't believe in love so it's kind of hard to take romance movies, like this one and other of my favorites, seriously. Being a very strong pessimist makes being with optimistic people difficult. And they make up a majority of my friends. A lot of my buds have a special someone to share life with and I just can't seem to hold down a guy. I meet a nice guy and it's great at first. But then I usually screw it up somehow. My point, and I do have one, is I want to know why can't my life turn out to be like the movies just once?

One of these days I'm going to bitch out Mr. Witt, my annoying shit of a biology teacher. Now I'm one of those weird kids that can actually enjoy school if given the chance. But he just takes not doing anything to a whole other level. All we do is take notes from the book, have him review our homework, and assign new homework that takes twenty hours to complete. Oh and we have like one test a month and ALL of our tests seem like a final. No, that's a lie. I liked the one today because it was super easy. But also the second one in less then a week. This time I'm trying to say the man doesn't do shit. We end up having to teach ourselves and it takes the fun out of it. Biology is kind of interesting and I normally hate anything to do with science... But he is just asdfghjkl; No words can describe the torture this man ensues upon us. It's hard to understand unless you've personally dealt with him. And in my opinion he looks like a child molester.

My First Time .

I've never done this before. Here goes nothing.
Damn. I still feel like I have a killer hangover. I got way wasted Friday night. Basically made a total ass out of myself in front of a guy I thought was cute. Well, that's typical for me. Not the getting sloshed part, but the making an idiot of myself part. I definitely don't want to go to school tomorrow. I didn't get any homework done because I spent Saturday at a gymnastics meet. My parents still made me go to it. Which was good, I placed on bars even with the worst hangover. And then Sunday was spent sleeping and sneaking onto the computers around the house. Now I'm sitting here procrastinating with only ten minutes left on my school laptop, and I still need to take a shower...

I had a lot of time to think on the two hour bus ride to Bellingham yesterday, even though it was spent sleeping half the time. Anyways, I mostly thought about my past and how the hell I could have ended up where I am today. Don't get me wrong for the most part I love my life. But I'm just not at a position I want to be in. I'm not the honor student or the star athlete. I don't fit into any one particular mold. When I was younger, academics and sports were my life. But then I met people that muct have changed how I viewed the world. Suddenly all I cared about was chasing a high and getting some booze. I want to go back in time and fix whatever inside of me got rearranged. I want to be six again.

Hi To The New Year: I promise this year will be different....