As always I've been spending a lot of time thinking about what I need to do. And since I am now trying to forget the person that I go to for advice on guys, I'm pretty much on my own. I just need to know it's okay if I mess around with a guy. Lately relationships haven't been working out to well for me. Honestly I cannot remember the last real one that I was in, if I've ever been in one. So now I am just going to be single. Give up in a sense. But not quite. I'll do the guy thing. I'll mess around with people but not let myself get attached. It's what most people seem to be doing. And if they do seem to start getting attached or see that they might, guys will sever whatever they have with us and bolt. Okay, for the lucky few the guy is good and decent and sticks around. But that never is the case for me. So I think I'll try this, at least for a little while. If I see myself getting to attached to someone then I will let them go and move on to the next. I no longer give a shit if you think that's whore behavior because my life is not yours to make decisions in what I do. I could be so much worse than what I am. I could be selling myself on the streets of Aurora at midnight. I could be sleeping with guys five years older than me. I could be having sex at school. Despite what people like to assume about me, I haven't done that much. Sure I've slept with people. But in at least two years that won't matter anymore. By then so much of our class with have slept with someone that the fact that I'm not a virgin won't matter. We all end up having sex. It's a fact of life. Why does it matter to you that I started a bit earlier? It's not your vagina. It's mine. Hate to be so blunt with you but it's just how it is. And all of you have no problem telling me what you think about me little "habit." It's just sex. After your first time it doesn't mean as much anymore. Now that is not me telling you to give it up to just any guy. All I'm saying is that when you're a virgin, and you're a girl, sex is a big deal. It's very personal. But then you lose your virginity and it's like "Okay this is fun. I want to have fun with more people." It becomes easier to sleep with people than it was before you lost it. This is the way it is when you're an adult. Sure we're not adults yet, but most of us act like it. We smoke and we drink when we're not even old enough to do that. If you're going to tell me to not participate in an "adult activity" then I think that you should stop drinking and having a cigarette until you are old enough too. See it's different when the table gets flipped to face you doesn't it? So tell me not to do this, I dare you. Because for once I won't be listening. For once I'm going to do what I want to in my own life without anyones consent. For once I'm finally going to be me.
5.25.2009
Yet Another
As always I've been spending a lot of time thinking about what I need to do. And since I am now trying to forget the person that I go to for advice on guys, I'm pretty much on my own. I just need to know it's okay if I mess around with a guy. Lately relationships haven't been working out to well for me. Honestly I cannot remember the last real one that I was in, if I've ever been in one. So now I am just going to be single. Give up in a sense. But not quite. I'll do the guy thing. I'll mess around with people but not let myself get attached. It's what most people seem to be doing. And if they do seem to start getting attached or see that they might, guys will sever whatever they have with us and bolt. Okay, for the lucky few the guy is good and decent and sticks around. But that never is the case for me. So I think I'll try this, at least for a little while. If I see myself getting to attached to someone then I will let them go and move on to the next. I no longer give a shit if you think that's whore behavior because my life is not yours to make decisions in what I do. I could be so much worse than what I am. I could be selling myself on the streets of Aurora at midnight. I could be sleeping with guys five years older than me. I could be having sex at school. Despite what people like to assume about me, I haven't done that much. Sure I've slept with people. But in at least two years that won't matter anymore. By then so much of our class with have slept with someone that the fact that I'm not a virgin won't matter. We all end up having sex. It's a fact of life. Why does it matter to you that I started a bit earlier? It's not your vagina. It's mine. Hate to be so blunt with you but it's just how it is. And all of you have no problem telling me what you think about me little "habit." It's just sex. After your first time it doesn't mean as much anymore. Now that is not me telling you to give it up to just any guy. All I'm saying is that when you're a virgin, and you're a girl, sex is a big deal. It's very personal. But then you lose your virginity and it's like "Okay this is fun. I want to have fun with more people." It becomes easier to sleep with people than it was before you lost it. This is the way it is when you're an adult. Sure we're not adults yet, but most of us act like it. We smoke and we drink when we're not even old enough to do that. If you're going to tell me to not participate in an "adult activity" then I think that you should stop drinking and having a cigarette until you are old enough too. See it's different when the table gets flipped to face you doesn't it? So tell me not to do this, I dare you. Because for once I won't be listening. For once I'm going to do what I want to in my own life without anyones consent. For once I'm finally going to be me.
